No, I Actually Don’t Need To “Get My Body Back”

Can I tell you something, friend to friend? Lately I’ve been feeling disappointed with the internet.

With warm weather drawing near, it seems we’re being bombarded with bikinis and perfect bodies galore. Which, as someone with a near 39-week pregnancy belly (tomorrow marks week 39!) that’s (literally) bigger than a basketball, can feel defeating. “Warm weather is almost here! Time to get BEACH AND BIKINI READY!” they say. Lifestyle websites promising me that, if I do X, Y, and Z workouts, I’ll “get my body back” in no time. Oh, really?

No, I Actually Don’t Need To “Get My Body Back”

My body. Let’s talk about that.

I don’t recognize my body anymore.

I’ve gained 50 pounds. My doctor has told me to slow down a bit and maybe eat a few less cookies (#RUDE but also…good point.) 50+ pounds has actually been pretty consistent with what I’ve gained every pregnancy. I’ve got only a week or so left, so guess who’s decided to not care about numbers? This girl. Pass another cookie, please and thanks.

I look at photos of me pre-pregnancy, and barely recognize the person looking back at me. In fact, her face looks…different. Her stomach is flat. In addition, my stretch marks are getting more pronounced by the day. Half of the maternity tops that I’ve been wearing my whole pregnancy no longer fit. Neither do most of my underwear, and they’re my “pregnancy” briefs! So I honestly don’t remember what it feels like to sleep on my stomach or to move without prepping my aching back.

Ho-hum, woe is me! But then I feel his little kicks and smile, knowing that it’s all not only worth it, but all of those superficial body changes really don’t matter. I’m healthy. Able. Also growing a human being. I’m fortunate and so darn blessed to be in this position. And I’m proud of what my body is doing, no matter what changes have or will come.

Pregnancy is a wild ride. One in which your body does a total 180.

My body will go back to a normal state of being, but it’ll never be “what it was before.” It can’t be, and that’s okay! Therefore, “Getting it back” is actually kind of humorous because, well, that’s impossible.

I’ve carried three children, and thus it has been forever altered. (Even after one it was forever changed!) In addition to baby’s diapers, I’ll need to change my own diapers after birth. (YUP. True.) My stomach muscles now sit much wider apart. (Hard to describe but it was definitely a reality after Grace and Joey!) After breastfeeding is over, my breasts resemble flat pancakes. It’s funny, actually. My girlfriends and I laugh about it together. Fun fact: I pee a little when I jump. (Is all this TMI?! Whatever, we’re among friends here.) In addition, my vision has even changed throughout my pregnancy years!

I’ll be honest, I don’t find weight and dieting comfortable to talk about because everyone is different, the topics are highly contextual, and I honestly believe all bodies are beautiful. My “normal” state is thin; I’m tall (5’10!) and I tend to carry weight differently than others. So it’s more spread out. I’m fortunate for that! And with that in mind, I’m a bit scared to publish this post. I’m also afraid that you’ll judge me. That you’ll find me unrelatable talking about my weight gain and pregnancy changes.

But I’m pressing publish because I think that these things are far too often not talked about.

Pregnancy is a beautiful thing, but it also is one that can be physically and emotionally draining. It alters your body forever. As mothers, the changes we go through can bring a slew of insecurities to the forefront. No matter who we are, no matter how we carry. Whether we have a big or small belly, whether we gain 20 or 100 pounds, whether we’re back to our pregnancy weight in no time or it takes years. It’s all a bit foreign, and sometimes even daunting, as our bodies go through it all. I am also not immune to that. I don’t think anyone is.

I’m fine with letting it all happen naturally and exactly how it should.

Will I get back down to my “normal” weight? Sure! My first two pregnancies, it happened fairly fast, actually. Breastfeeding helped immensely. But, will I put pressure on myself to do so? Nope. Will I worry about getting rid of my stretch marks? Nada. I called them my “mama tiger claws” after Josephine was born, and while they eventually did fade after about a year, I never felt unpretty with them for a second. (In fact, I was proud of them!)

I’ll work out. I’ll also eat healthy foods. I’m sure I’ll get back to “normal” eventually. But I’ll do it for me and me alone. Well, okay, and also my family. I’ll do it because I want to be healthy, and I feel at my best self when I practice healthy habits. I’ll do it because I need to physically be able to keep up with three children under 5 years old.

But I won’t do it for others. I won’t do it because I want to “Look good in a bathing suit” (Though, hey, that’d be a nice benefit!) And I certainly won’t be doing it because I feel pressure from so-and-so website to “get fit” and “lose that baby weight ASAP!”

So please, stop telling me that I need to “Get my body back.”

All the headlines….all the suggestions….insinuating my body has left me and I need to “get it back” to feel normal. It’s kind of ridiculous when you think about it. Condescending, even.

Remember when Justin Timberlake was “Bringing sexy back” and Prince was like, “Wait, wait, wait….sexy never left!” It’s kind of like that.

My body never left.

It’s here, and it’s beautiful. All 50 extra pounds of my baby and I. Stretch marks now and pancake boobs later. Even if I dribble pee a bit when I jump. No matter what changes pregnancy has brought or will bring, my [clap] body [clap] never [clap] left.

It’s here, growing a child. It’s here, ready to give birth. It’s here, ready to feed that baby after. It’s here, carrying my two other babies while all this is happening. It’s here, carrying ME.

No matter how long or short of a time I take to lose the weight. No matter how I look in a bathing suit. No matter what insecurities I may or may not have. It has never left.

This is my reminder to anyone out there who needs to hear it to BE PROUD of your body. Even if you have extra weight that you wish would vanish, stretch marks, or if there’s a thing or two you wish you could “fix.” Even if you’re NOT a mother or haven’t experienced pregnancy. ALL of our bodies are beautiful and capable. Let’s be kind to ourselves. Let’s be kind to each other.

Our bodies are all we’ve got. They’ve carried us this far — some are carrying and building a life — and they’ll be the ones to carry us to the end. Isn’t that the most beautiful thing of all?

Love you guys! xx