A Reflection On The Meaning Of “Me Time”

Motherhood helps to define me.

Mark Twain famously said, “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” For me, the days I found out why were the ones when my children were born. There’s nothing more important to me in life than being their mother, loving them, and aiding in their happiness, safety and growth.

With that said, I believe that maintaining a sense of identity and individuality is imperative to everyone’s mental health — mother or not.

I think it’s important to prioritize the things and people in my life outside of motherhood as well. I believe this makes me a better mom — I feel happier and well rounded when I prioritize taking care of myself and relationships. These priorities are varied, but at the end of the day, they all help to “fill my cup”. By that I mean, they help for my “self” to feel more whole; the things that feed into a well balanced mind, body and soul.

But, you know what else fills my cup? Being with my kids!

There’s no feeling like their cuddles. Playing outside in the sunshine. Going on adventures. Hearing them laugh. Soaking in their littleness.

With that in mind, I’m actually torn on the subject of “me time” and “filling your cup”. On one hand, I often appreciate (and need!) a little mental break. On the other hand, those activities usually being being away from them, which I often don’t want to do.

It’s funny, right? Such a catch-22.

“Me time”…”Filling your cup”. Things like traveling. A date night. Going to dinner with girlfriends. Exercising. Getting your nails done just because. Treating yourself, because you really and truly deserve it. I believe all this is imperative and necessary to indulge in.

It’s often presented as doing things just for you. And a lot of times, that’s so important and necessary! Especially as mothers, when it can feel like the majority of our existence is dedicated to others.

But, I personally have come to understand “Me time” to mean so much more than all that.

I’ve come to learn that “Me time” is a balance.

It can mean saying yes to that dinner with your girlfriends, but it can also mean saying no to plans because you’re craving more nights at home. It can mean going on that trip, but turning down another because it’s logistically too difficult and even the thought makes you feel stressed. It can mean saying “Yes” to chasing that dream, but also saying “Yes” to a few simple days at home with your kiddos, if that’s what you’d like to prioritize. See what I mean?

For me, more times than not, “me time’ means less about being solely with “Me”, and more about being with others – mainly my family – and turning down the things that take me away from them. Which I think can be equally as easy to feel guilty about, truth be told!

I thought this was important to reflect upon here, because I’ve noticed a trend (that I’m sure I’ve even played into at times!) in the space of glorifying the “me” so much that we can forget that often what makes us feel truly happy is the prioritization of those in our lives who make our hearts beat.

Your family and prioritizing others can also be what fills your cup. “Me time” can be, but doesn’t have to be, focused on the “Self”. It’s saying “Yes” to what your soul craves.

I hope that all makes sense and I articulated it okay! Really, here’s what the main takeaway is: “Me time” and “Filling your cup” can mean what you need it to. It shouldn’t have so much pressure associated with it. It doesn’t mean you vs. them. It’s not one or the other. It can be both. It’s me, and you, and us. A balance, where one doesn’t work without the other. Both should be prioritized. I think sometimes it’s easy to forget that.

Because self care is so important. But no matter what the “me” is craving, at the end of the day, the best kind of soul food is the kind that’s enjoyed together. xx

PS – How Our Family Approaches Parenting & Gender Roles + For The Critics: How To Be A Celebrator