You guys. I am so, so, SO excited about today’s post! Not only because it’s a topic I’ve been interested in writing about for a long time, but because I’m teaming up with some of my all time favorite women/bloggers to do so!
I’m teaming up with Julia from Lemon Stripes, Kelly from Kelly In The City, Liz from Pure Joy Home, Liz from Hello Adams Family, and Danielle from Danielle-Moss to tackle Mom Talk. Basically, we picked a topic and will all be addressing it on our blogs, so that our readers can check out many different perspectives and thoughts around the same topic. (Longtime readers here may remember that Kelly and I used to do this in our motherhood series and it resulted in some of my favorite content/reflections ever!)
I truly can’t wait to read all the posts from these amazing ladies, not just because I respect and admire them so much as women, but as mothers as well! Be sure to swing by their blogs to read their posts.
Now, for today’s topic. We’re tackling thoughts and reflections on screen time – something important that that we all face in today’s world, no? Which is a very timely topic, because…
You know what I think about all the time? The fact that my children won’t know a world without screens.
I mean, not that I’m Mrs. Amish over here. The TV has obviously been around since far before I was born. I was definitely a part of the generation of “Are You Afraid Of The Dark” (That intro still creeps me out) and watching TRL religiously (LYLAS, Britney Spears). But, sometimes I stop and look around at all the actual screens that surround our lives – and thus my children – and can’t help but…I don’t know…worry? Freak out internally about screwing them up unknowingly? Want to chuck my phone out the window? All the above.
Phones. Computers. Cameras. Television sets. Tablets. Screens in cars, helping me to back out of my driveway. Cameras in my doorbell, notifying me of motion at any hour of the day. Heck, I even Mark Zuckerberg’d my computer and have tape over my camera because WHAT IF SOMEONE IS WATCHING ME?! (By the way, if any hackers are reading this, I’m literally the least interesting person on earth. So save yourself any effort and move on.)
Screens are everywhere.
When I reflect on this, it’s actually quite amazing to think about just how far technology has come over the years.
My first AOL screen name was “ChicaBabe657”, because I was taking my first Spanish class, which obviously meant I was fluent. I remember getting my first phone and pressing 1 three times to type “C”. (Shout out to my Nokia OG’s.) I was an iPod rebel at first, proclaiming to all who would hear that my CD playlists were 1. WAY better, and 2. All I needed to get by. I spammed my friend’s Facebook walls, telling them they’ve been hit with the “Beautiful Truck” and needed to pass the sentiment on, because that’s just what you wrote on walls in 2007.
All that technological innocence stemmed from a place of, quite simply, not being used to being around that type of technology. It was all so new. So foreign. We were all learning, and quite frankly are still learning, how to use it correctly and balance it all. Even Especially now that we’re parents.
I have all these “first time” memories with technology, but what’s crazy for me to think about is the fact that my children have been immersed with it from day 1.
Grace and Jo’s first moments of being into this world are there for us to relive over and over again. Their first steps were caught on camera. I quickly grabbed my phone to record their first words. Countless cuddles and laughs. Some tears. Lots of dance parties.
Unlike my young years, where I have less than a handful of videos to look back on, our family has sometimes a handful of videos in a day. How amazing is that?! But also, there’s a hint of sadness in that very reality, because to get those videos meant that someone had to grab their phone to record it all, instead of just living it.
My reality is that, as a parent, I struggle with screen time. I even struggle with my personal opinion on what, actually, is balance?
How much is too much TV? When I’m on my phone in front of them, what does that teach them? How do screens affect their ability to learn? Their attention spans and brain development? Even the experts seem to be undecided on it all. I watched TV when I was younger and I think I turned out to be a pretty decent human being….so how am I supposed to know the “right amount”? I feel like we’re all in this awkward guessing place. Especially since there are so many new factors, like phone screens, that have come into play.
When it comes to technology, I’m Facebook-status “Complicated.”
On one hand, I find so much good in technology.
It has allowed for me to capture fleeting moments of my children’s childhood to relive over and over again. Guess how much those videos will be worth when they’re going off to college? Or when they become parents? They’ll be absolutely priceless. Those videos and photos…those screens…are amazing time capsules that reflect my entire world.
Josephine (22 months) is still a little too young to really *watch* TV, so I can only speak for Grace (3.5 years), but I have to say that I’ve noticed some very positive things from the shows she watches. The other day she said, “Hmm…Let me figure this out!” when faced with an obstacle, which is a quote that’s constantly said in Tumble Leaf. And then – get this – she actually did figure it out. Daniel Tiger teaches life lessons in ways that she can understand. Or, how about the fact that Sesame Street’s “Letter of the Day” song has helped for her to learn the alphabet?
Point blank, I’ll be honest with you, sometimes I put on a show for my kids when I just need a moment. A moment to get ready…to send some emails…to cook dinner. You name the moment, and I’ve likely leveraged screen time to help. I feel like I should perhaps not put this under the “good” category, but the raw truth is that I do think it’s good for those moments where I just need a little help. They’re safe, they’re happy. Judge if you must.
Beyond my children, technology is a huge part of my life.
My profession is based on digital platforms and social media. I use technology to express creativity, connect with others, and to learn. I listen to Spotify pretty much constantly throughout the day. Watching “This Is Us” is currently my mini personal therapy session. Right now, as you’re reading this, screens are enabling us to connect. I feel like I am personal friends with some of the people I follow on social. From the big to the small, technology enables entire communities and cultures to connect.
It’s, in many ways, a miracle. But. despite all the good…
On the other hand, I also find so much confusion – and sometimes negativity – in technology.
Especially when I think of technology as it relates to parenting.
I came across a Instagram post the other day that made me really think. It was of a greeting card that said, “SHIT. I forgot to create a personal brand.” The caption paired with it read, “I just had a terrifying thought. Is our next generation of children going to grow up and ask “Mom, tell me what your brand was like when you were my age?” I laughed at first, but then I was like that deer-in-headlights-emoji as I thought about it more. Because…you guys…WHAT A TERRIFYING THOUGHT. Right?!?!
Here’s the thing. Being “on” often means turning off in other ways. Whether I was on my 2004 Nokia phone or 2019 iPhone, this reality has been consistent.
I love social media, but what does it mean to be recording so many life moments throughout the day? What does it teach my kids when I sometimes have my phone out, talking to the camera? What does it mean – for my own relationships and personal wellness – to be ingesting so much of this from others?
I love practicing creativity in the form of photography, but I know for a fact that others around me can get annoyed when I pause a moment for a photo. I get it. Beyond the annoyance factor, what does it teach my girls to be constantly saying, “Smile!” Tough reality time: What does it teach my little girls to be frequently taking photos of myself for this blog? To what point is sharing about them too much?
How is the use of TV affecting my parenting style?
Am I playing with them enough? Like, no agenda, care to the wind, imagination-at-wild playing? How much TV is too much? Does the fact that they’re watching educational children shows give me a few brownie points, or am I totally off for even having them watch it at all?
At what age is it appropriate for them to have phones? What about social media accounts? (Holy $*$T that’s a terrifying thought.)
What does it say about me, and technology, that I often feel happiest when I’m disconnected from it?
My head is spinning.
Sorry guys, I don’t have the answers. Just a lot of questions. Like I said before…I think we’re all in the unique position of learning here, as the guinea pigs of raising children with such big technological advances. Our parents didn’t have the same considerations we did while raising children. Things were simpler back then.
Perhaps the hardest part, is I’ve found that there is no right or wrong. There’s just a lot of gut checks and hoping that we’re doing the best that we can. I genuinely believe that we all are doing the best that we can.
One thing that I do believe, is that teaching my children about screen time is so much more than limiting their TV watching on any given day. Because, the reality is that our worlds are consumed by screens. From our phones to our computers, I have so many opportunities in a day to teach responsible usage and moderation. Which brings me to an “Ah-Ha” moment that I’ve been having more and more recently.
I believe teaching responsibility with technological balance is as much about my usage of screens as it is about theirs.
Which is something that I’ve been trying really hard to work on lately.
With that in mind, I thought it may be nice for you to see what my personal “Rules of Engagement” are with technology and screen time. I am not perfect and have to work on this/remind myself of this all the time…but I honestly think that the conscious effort to practice the below has helped for me to be more balanced with technology in general, and to teach our kids about balance too. Here they are!
My “Rules of Engagement” For Managing Screen Time
Make Screen Time A Treat
Really, this one comes down to not having a TV show be “expected” but rather a nice treat. For example, instead of immediately turning it on when we get home, we’ll turn on music, have them play, and tell the girls they can watch a show if there’s enough time before bedtime.
On days when we have them for longer periods, like the weekends, we tend to be a little more relaxed about this. On these days we tend to be a little more “Scheduled” — so, if we allowed the girls to watch a movie, we’ll try to go to the park or somewhere where they can be active after. In general, we try to balance things as much as possible on those days.
Making A Conscious Effort To Turn Off
This is again a more general notion, but one of the things we’ve been trying to do more of is simply turning off and spending time together. To us, this means that when faced with the decision on what to do, we’ll try to choose things like reading or play first over screen time. Again — the expectation isn’t to be perfect, but simply to be more balanced. We will never be the family that says “No TV!” But, I do find that the more we turn screens off, the less they expect it!
Leading By Example
This is one of the hardest for me, because it’s so easy to mindlessly scroll on social or email while they’re playing. But, I do try to make a conscious effort to put down my phone when I’m with my kids. Of course, the nature of my job means I’m continually tied to my phone. And I don’t think it’s necessarily realistic to always expect for a phone to be put away every second of the day. For me, it’s all about balance here, and consciously trying to limit my usage as much as possible!
No phones at the table
Whether I’m eating with our family or friends, I always try to put my phone away. With our kids, we *try* our hardest not to bring our phones out while at restaurants. (I will admit we pull them out when desperate, however! But this is fortunately pretty infrequently. It should be noted that we also eat in like .2 seconds because we know with young kids it’s a short window, so take this with a grain of salt.)
Don’t Be So Hard On Myself
This is the biggest one. Some days we’re really great with turning off screens for ourselves and for our kids. Others, we’re not. It’s all about balance. I think that the fact that we’re actively trying and conscious of practicing balance means a lot, and even the notion of practicing balance/moderation teaches our kids about ways to view technology!
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What are your thoughts on screen time? What are some ways that you practice balance, whether for yourself or for your kids? I’d love to hear in the comments below!
3 comments
This is 1 incredible post! It’s such a hard one but if limited I feel it’s a benefit! It certainly helps me out as a mum when something needs to be done or finished off. I am so conscious to not get stuck on the phone when they are around, as it’s happened all to often. I’m happy to say I’ve dropped my screen time, with room for improvement still!
Screen time is so hard! Lucas watches a lot of tv but I also spend HOURS playing cars and super heroes and making crafts. I’m constantly struggling with am I doing enough of the good stuff or not. I also grew up a total tv addict and I agree – I think I’m okay. For me television was inspiring and something that helped me feel safe in vulnerable moments – I get that Lucas could feel the same way about his shows.
Lately I’ve been making an effort to counter all tv requests with suggestions to play or do an activity – doing it instead of or simply before so it’s not a complete default for him. I also spend a lot of time watching my own habits – which are horrible! Sundays I don’t use my phone in hopes that I’ll use it less on other days too but with a digital job it’s so hard to unplug.
Loved your perspective on this! I recently went to a panel on kids and technology and their basic advice was teaching them to use technology as a tool. We are the first generation of parents that is raising kids with screens available at a young age, and I agree we should not be so hard on ourselves because we are just figuring it out!