For The Critics: How To Be A Celebrator

Do you tend to be more of a celebrator or a critic? Be honest!

I was reading 10 Learnings from 10 Years of Brain Pickings the other day, which is a really moving article for when you have a few minutes to spare. All the learnings were thought-provoking, but the following excerpt really resonated with me: “Be generous with your time and your resources and with giving credit and, especially, with your words. It’s so much easier to be a critic than a celebrator…To understand and be understood, those are among life’s greatest gifts, and every interaction is an opportunity to exchange them.”

Read that one more time, just for good measure.

…Now, let’s proceed. Let’s face it, unless you’re Mother Theresa, you probably fall into the camp of being both a celebrator and a critic. Depending on the scenario, and level of emotion involved in the situation, I know I can be both. We’re all only human, right?But with that in mind, I do think it’s important to remember to keep criticism in check. It’s pretty much the worst to feel judged, disapproved, or misunderstood, especially if there’s another point of view that someone hasn’t taken the opportunity to consider. Likewise, on instances when I’m the one being critical, I often look back and hate how I sounded. Even if it’s just internally. What’s funny is that I often find there’s an underlying reason for my criticism that says more about myself than the person or thing I’m being critical of. Jealousy or being ill-informed are common culprits here.

I’m a pretty optimistic person by nature, but as humans we all can get caught up in negativity. Especially since becoming a mother, I’ve tried to be kinder in my interactions across the board, because I try to emulate how I want my children to act and be treated.

Plus, life is simply too short.

Being happy means thinking happy thoughts. Also,  often that means keeping your own criticism at bay. The question then becomes, how do you keep it in check? While I’m certainly no expert, I’ve developed a few ways to help myself be more positive in my thoughts and interactions. To be more of a celebrator than a critic. After all, people are worth celebrating. 

Here’s what I’ve been practicing lately and what I’ve found to work for me.

1. Focus on the positive.

   If I focus only on the downfalls of a situation or person, then it’s hard to see the silver lining, or what they do do that’s positive. When I let the negative roll off my shoulders a bit more, I’m able to focus more on what’s good.

2. Say It.

   Have you ever received a compliment out of the blue, and it made your day? I have. It really sticks in my mind, is motivating, and has the power to inspire me to pay it forward. Far too often, even though I think something positive, I don’t always say it. Lately I’ve been trying to practice being more vocal with positive things I’m thinking, even if it’s just reaching out to someone I’m thinking of and saying “Hi”. I’ve immediately seen and felt a better connection with those around me.

3. Give it time.

   Sometimes, especially in heated situations, I need to take a step back and really digest how I feel, which allows for me to react in a way that’s more favorable toward being positive. Or, at a minimum, more intentional. I’ve found that often critical thoughts are simply heat-of-the-moment driven, and things aren’t as bad as they may have initially seemed.

4. Put myself in the other person’s shoes.

   It really does help to look at things from a different perspective. If I’m in a fight or am upset, I try to think to myself, “What would the opposing point of view be?” What I usually find is that, while I may have a reason to be upset or critical, the other person may also have some fair points worth considering. This can be a humbling realization.

5. Realize no one’s perfect.

   Including you. Sometimes keeping that in mind is the best reality check.

6. Think about solutions.

   If what I’m being critical over is something that could be solved (which, most things can be), I try to think of how to solve it instead of just dwelling on the negative. Sometimes, the best way to move forward is to genuinely move forward, which often means point blank working through the issue.

7. Let it go.

   This is helpful when the above isn’t applicable and when a solve isn’t realistic. Let’s face it, sometimes there are scenarios that are simply….bad. Annoying. Unfair. That just plain suck. In those cases, I’ve found that it helps for me to focus on finding peace with it however I’m best able to, and letting it go. (Uh…yea…kind of like Frozen.)

I don’t claim to be any sort of “positivity guru” or expert here. Certainly, I have a lot to learn, but I have found that keeping the above in mind has helped me to be more celebratory across the board!

With all the madness going on in the world today, we can all use more positivity in our lives. I truly believe that we’re all worth celebrating! Which, to me, starts with our own thoughts and actions.

What works for you when you are trying to keep positivity top of mind?