3 Changes We Made For A More Balanced Holiday

These tips for a more balance holiday were first published last November. Today I am updating it to reflect our current stance, and resurfacing again because it’s so timely and still the best approach for us regarding the holidays! All photos are from the holiday season last year. 

Skirt: Blush Mini Skirt. One of the season’s must haves! I love these paired with chunky sweaters. This one is years old, however this one from Blank NYC is a great price and comes in multiple colors. | Boots: Steve Madden Over The Knee Stretch Boot  – I also love this pair! I love over the knee boots for cooler temperatures! If you’re looking for great boots, I also have these Sam Edelman knee-high boots and they’re some of my favorites!  | Sweater: White Cable Knit. One of the best purchases you can make for winter!

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Happy Holiday Season!

I love this time of year for all the time spent with loved ones; it marks the official kick off of all things holiday for the next month! Everyone is so cheery, festive and inviting – and I love all the opportunities to see loved ones!

For me, the best kind of holiday (both in regards to Thanksgiving and Christmas) is one where we get to see all our favorite people and yet still are able to relax. It’s so important to prioritize special moments with our little family, too!

3 Changes We Made For A More Balanced Holiday

And while I’ve grown to love this time of year, that hasn’t always been the case.

Honestly, I haven’t always felt great about our time spent leaving holidays like Thanksgiving or Christmas. Quite the opposite, in fact. Many rides home back to Chicago were marked with tears, lots of anxiety, and even questions of, “Should we just go somewhere warm next year by ourselves?!”

You see, in years past, we’ve been torn in so many different directions. In case you didn’t know, my parents are divorced. So each holiday we need to consider lots of different family sides — my mom’s, step-dad’s, dad’s, step-mom’s — and of course Doug’s family, too! All sides are big with lots of people, and we’re fortunate that we’re all close, but that definitely lends to stress trying to fit everything in.

I’m sure the feelings of pressure to attend everything and see everyone was amplified by the fact that we lived out of town. But, regardless, it made the holiday time very stressful for us. We just always felt like, no matter what we did and how many places we went to, we were always letting people down. Staying for too short of time, not able to really talk and enjoy company, and just generally being rushed through the days.

All that was amplified to the max when we had kids.

The first few years of having kids, we kept up trying to do it all. We’d attend 3 parties in one day, running around the state to do so, and always ended the holidays by exclaiming, “Uh…what just happened?!” We saw that it was starting to even affect our kids. They were exhausted, too.

Not to mention, we started thinking about what types of traditions and celebrations we’d like to start establishing for our own family. We’d always been adhering to what others had established as traditions for us, but now that we have a family we’re in a position of establishing those memories and traditions for them. Did we really want those traditions to be, “Go, go, go!” and a time of stress? No way. We wanted quality time with loved ones. Slow mornings with happy chatter. Selfishly, we even wanted time just for ourselves and our little family.

So last year, we made some changes.

Last year for the first time, we deliberately made some changes with how we managed ourselves and our family’s time. And, you know what? The changes worked. The holiday season was one of the best we’ve ever had. No tears. No anxiety. Just lots of great, quality time and happiness.

I thought I’d share our tried-and-true tips for a more balanced holiday with you, in case they can help for your holidays to be a bit more relaxing and enjoyable as well!

(Before I dive in, I want to say that I recognize how lucky we are that we have multiple places and families to visit during this season. I know this time of year can actually be very lonely for lots of people, and my heart goes out to those who may be in that situation. Please know how fortunate we feel for having all the people in our lives that we do! For us this is all just a matter of balance.)

3 Tips For A More Balanced Holiday (Game Changers for Us!)

Change #1: Remain At One Location For The Holiday

This was a game changer.

In year’s past, we’d go to 2 – 3 different houses in one day. We’d show up, eat a little, say hi, and then hustle to the next place, all in efforts to see everyone and visit every party happening.

One year, we ate at Doug’s sisters, then drove an hour to see my dad’s side of the family. We pulled into the driveway as the last of the cars were leaving the gathering. I remember breaking down crying in the car; in efforts to see everyone we didn’t get to really see anyone, and what’s worse, the people that we did see got shafted with time. It felt like we were just doing too much and in turn it wasn’t making anyone happy, including ourselves.

So, we decided to change that and focus on quality over quantity. Instead of trying to fit every gathering in, we picked one place this year and stayed there. It was so wonderful. We got to relax. We didn’t need to jet out after an hour. And we had long conversations. We got to talk to people. Like, actually talk to them — not about the elevator pitch or the weather, but how they’re doing. You know?

We felt sad that there were family members that we didn’t get to see. But our rationale is that the next holiday we’ll of course prioritize the families that we weren’t able to see this time, and we’ll have the opportunity to have quality over quantity with them too. Which to us means far more than a quick “Hi, how are you?” and then leaving.

Change #2: A Holiday Doesn’t Have To Be Celebrated On Just One Day

This is actually something that Doug’s parents decided to do a few years ago and it was the best decision. Their annual party is now on the Saturday following Thanksgiving every year, instead of on Thanksgiving itself.

Everyone in the family is invited — his mom’s side, dad’s side, and even my family members. It’s great for so many reasons; it alleviates the pressure to go to multiple houses on the actual holiday, and we then have the opportunity to see everyone in the family as opposed to separating one side from the other. Since it’s the same day every year, we all have clarity with plans, and know that we can count on it.

It’s all the best example of the holiday season being less about any one specific day. It’s about the collective season’s feeling — and who you’re celebrating with!

Change #3: Prioritize How WE Want To Spend Time

This is more a result of being in our home and not couch-hopping over the holidays like in years past, but this past holiday weekend we really focused on prioritizing our core family unit. At the beginning of each day, we made plans based off of what we WANTED to do and what was best for our kids, not what we felt PRESSURED to.

The result was such a wonderful mix of relaxation and activity. We were able to have lazy mornings together. We watched movies. The girls took long naps. They played and played. We all got to go on small adventures, whether it be downtown or friend’s houses, but it was nice to retreat to our happy haven, too. We saw friends and family, and attended what events we could, but we also balanced those times with lots of calm and togetherness.

Balance.

Our tips for a more balanced holiday – we learned – were all about balance.  Turns out, that’s what we’ve needed more of during the holiday season all along. It just took prioritizing and practicing it to really understand just how important it is for all of us.

I’m sure these changes seem obvious, but for us they were big, and they made a huge change in how our holiday weekend went. We felt energized, relaxed and happy. Most importantly, the time we did spend — with ourselves and others — was focused on quality. 

I definitely think this is our new way of doing holidays moving forward!

Are your holidays crazy, or relaxing? What are your “Rules of Engagement”, so to speak, when it comes to what you decide on attending and not attending? Do these tips for a more balanced holiday resonate with you? I’d love to hear in the comments below!

PS – Conversation Tips For When You’re At Your Next Holiday Party + How To Take Family Photos That Look Professionally Done